April 2016 Philadelphia Chapter of Pax Christi U.S.A.

Echoes in Purgatory

Forgiveness or Fear

To those who seem to have all the answers:

Please don’t misunderstand the salutation, but as someone who not only sits in prison for my wrongdoing, but one who has also been victimized, I ask, when do we get to let go of the hurt of the past? According to the powers that be or “the system”, probably never. I say this because I do pray every day that the persons I brought harm into their lives heal and go on with their lives. Why? Because I was also victimized as a child, and I grew up embittered, angry, and holding on to the pain. I eventually projected that pain onto others; all the while, my victimizers had moved on with lives. I can only imagine what my life would have been like if I had chosen to forgive and let go of what I was subjected to as a child by another ‘sick person’. I chose however, albeit unknowingly, to carry that mess done to me so many years ago. I think of all the relationships missed out on, friendships I missed because I couldn’t bring myself to trust people, and now I see many traveling on the same path of unforgivenss. Many seem to think that revenge – an eye for an eye – brings closure, but I would ask these people if they realize what they are telling folks.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that victims should forget or ignore the harm done against them, or that wrongdoers should go unpunished, but just think for a moment the consequences of this kind of mindset. I don’t sit in here planning how to get revenge on the person that had me locked up, I deserved it. I was wrong and I owned up to my responsibility for my acts, but forgiveness, I have learned, is not just for the person who committed the crime, it’s even more crucially, for the one that was harmed. They need to be able to move on with their lives and this step helps in more ways than you know. They can move on without carrying the burden. But what the system and the media preach is to basically stay in fear for the rest of our lives, and to what end? Listen, the man that harmed me as a child showed up in this prison. I had a choice; do him harm or forgive. Trust me when I tell you this was not an easy decision to make, but I had to weigh was the harm, if done, going to bring real closure to my pain or cause more pain not just for me but my family, and I chose to forgive. This helped me to work towards a better tomorrow. No it didn’t change what happened but not forgiving would bring even more harm than I was willing to carry anymore.

Now let me clear the air. This is not for people to feel sorry for me, but it’s a wakeup call for folks to look at, because everyday someone causes harm to another, is it right? No. But it is the world we live in. There is no justifying doing wrong. Crime has a source, it’s called Sin. No question many folks who follow the Christian faith know what sin is, no one is beyond it from top to bottom. All, as the bible says, have fallen short, “but God”, I say to all those who have suffered from harm that if you want to see real closure, forgive. That way you can move forward or you may never fully recover and you will have lost an opportunity. I am not saying it’s easy because I’d be lying, but it’s doable. Really. From what I’ve learned, there is nothing to be gained by holding on to pain.

Food for thought:

What positive thing has anyone ever gained from holding onto negative emotions? Even the doctors say it’s bad for your health … Everyone who’s been victimized by crime knows how traumatizing the experience can be. The sense of being violated can last for a long time and even for some a life time. The question then is: will a person always remain a victim? But it doesn’t have to be this way. Forgiveness might just be the crucial difference-maker

God Bless You,

#HT-5214, P.O. Box 244, Graterford, PA 19426

Steve Wooden

Excerpts from Pope Francis’ visit to Curran-Fromhold Correctional Facility, Philadelphia

Serving time in prison is a painful time, said the pope, who continues to speak on the telephone with inmates he used to visit in Buenos Aires, Argentina.…

"Any society, any family, which cannot share or take seriously the pain of its children and views that pain as something normal or to be expected, is a society 'condemned' to remain a hostage to itself, prey to the very things which cause that pain." …

Jesus "teaches us to see the world through his eyes -- eyes which are not scandalized by the dust picked up along the way, but wants to cleanse, heal and restore. He asks us to create new opportunities: for inmates, for their families, for correctional authorities, and for society as a whole."

"Life is a journey, along different roads, different paths, which leave their mark on us …We know in faith that Jesus seeks us out. He wants to heal our wounds, to soothe our feet, which hurt from traveling alone, to wash each of us clean of the dust from our journey." … Jesus "doesn't ask us where we have been, he doesn't question us about what we have done." Instead, Jesus washes peoples' feet and gives them life.

"The Lord goes in search of us; to all of us he stretches out a helping hand … It is painful when we see prison systems which are not concerned to care for wounds, to soothe pain, to offer new possibilities.

“It is painful when we see people who think that only others need to be cleansed, purified, and do not recognize that their weariness, pain and wounds are also the weariness, pain and wounds of society.”

[excerpts takes from: Cindy Wooden Catholic News Service, 9.27.2015]